Your Enneagram Friend

Your Top 10 Questions About The Enneagram!

• Wendy Busby • Season 1 • Episode 13

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Discover the transformative power of the Enneagram as your personal roadmap to self-awareness. Join me, Wendy Busby, on "Your Enneagram Friend" podcast, as I unravel the complexities of this intriguing personality system and address the 10 most frequently asked questions. 

Here are the questions I answer!
1. What is the Enneagram?
2. What are the nine types or numbers?
3. Can my Enneagram type change?
4. What are Wings and Arrows?
5. What do you mean when you are talking about Instincts and Subtypes?
6. How do I figure out what my Enneagram type is?
7. How can knowing my Enneagram type help me?
8. Can children be typed using the Enneagram?
9. Is the Enneagram scientifically validated?
10. Should Christians use the Enneagram? 

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Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to the your Enneagram Friend podcast, where you are invited into an engaging and thought-provoking conversation about the Enneagram. I'm Wendy Busby, your very own life and relationship coach, here to inspire you to create the life you want. I'm so happy you're here. Thank you so much for listening. So this podcast is going to be a little different from what I've done in the past. I don't have a guest today, it's just me. I get asked a lot of questions about the Enneagram, so I thought it would be helpful to compile the 10 questions that I get asked the most and answer them here on the podcast. So I hope you enjoy this one, and if it sparks more questions for you, then please send me a message and I will put them on the list for next time. So let's get started. So the first question that I get asked the most this is the question I get asked the most is simply what is the Enneagram? Well, the Enneagram is a fascinating system for understanding ourselves and the people around us a bit better. Think of it as a map that guides us through different personality types, nine of them, to be exact. Each type has its own unique way of seeing the world and of showing up in the world. How many times have you heard someone say, oh, she has a fun personality or, oh, his personality is more serious? People experience us through our personality and through our personality pattern. It's how we cope and survive in the world. So knowing your type can be incredibly helpful in understanding yourself and beginning to see and understand how others see and know you to be. The nine Enneagram types aren't random either. There is a pattern to how the Enneagram is put together. The nine types are arranged in a specific diagram, a circle to be exact. The Enneagram circle has nine points and it has interconnecting lines. Each point represents a distinct personality pattern and the lines show us how the types connect to each other. Each Enneagram type connects to four other types on the diagram of the Enneagram. It can be helpful to think of the Enneagram as a moving map, if you will. It helps us become less rigid in our ways of being, and when you take your dominant pattern and you begin to disrupt that pattern with the help of those interconnecting points, that's when transformation happens. So it's important to understand that the Enneagram isn't just about boxing us into a category of, oh, I'm this way, oh you're that way, but it's a dynamic tool that helps us understand what our core motivations are, what our core fears are and what our core desires are. It's kind of like having a roadmap for personal development and growth.

Speaker 1:

The question number two is a great follow-up question. What are the nine types or numbers? Well, each number on the Enneagram has a title but, more importantly, a rich set of characteristics that describe different ways that people engage with the world around them. You may hear the names of each type, called different things from different teachers, but the thing is that the names aren't really what the important part is, but they can help us in remembering some of the key traits of each type. Sometimes I use the names and sometimes I don't, but for the sake of answering this question, I'm going to use the names. So here's a very brief description of each type.

Speaker 1:

Type one the improver these are the perfectionist of the Enneagram. They're ethical, dedicated, reliable. They have a strong sense of right and wrong and strive to improve the world and themselves. They often hold themselves to a very high standard. Type two the helper these are our warm, caring and giving Enneagram type. They feel best when they are supporting others and they have a deep need to be loved and appreciated, which drives their behavior to help. Type three is the achiever. They're success-oriented, image-conscious and wired for productivity. They are focused on their goals and often excel at motivating others. They want to be valued, which often leads them to put a lot of energy into their achievements and into the image that they project.

Speaker 1:

Type four is the individualist. They're creative, sensitive and moody, and they have a deep fear of being insignificant. This type is often seen as the most emotionally complex and they strive for authenticity and self-expression. Type five is the investigator. They're perceptive, innovative and secretive. They're very private, they're intense and they're the cerebral types on the Enneagram. They are often pioneers in their fields and they value knowledge and understanding.

Speaker 1:

Type six is the loyalist. They're committed, they're practical and witty. They are the troubleshooters and they excel at foreseeing problems and for fostering cooperation with others. But they can also become defensive because of anxiety about potential hazards, so they're always on the lookout. Type seven is the enthusiast. They're fun-loving, spontaneous, versatile. They're always looking for something new and exciting because they have a fear of being deprived or in pain, which drives their pursuit of positive experiences and self-satisfaction.

Speaker 1:

Type eight is the challenger. They're direct, powerful and protective. They have a strong presence and a need for control. They aim to protect themselves and their environment, often advocating for those that are less fortunate. They're very justice driven. Type nine is the peacemaker. There are easygoing, reassuring and agreeable types. They're motivated by a need to keep peace and to avoid conflict. They are excellent at seeing multiple perspectives, but may lose touch with their own priorities in the process.

Speaker 1:

So that is a simple, basic, very, very basic rundown of the nine Enneagram types. All right. Question number three can my Enneagram type change? Well, the quick answer is no. Type change? Well, the quick answer is no.

Speaker 1:

Your core Enneagram type remains the same throughout your life. But it's not quite that simple because as we go through life's ups and downs, the way our type expresses itself can shift quite a bit. Imagine your Enneagram type as your home base. It's where you start and it's where you have habitual ways of thinking, acting and feeling that tend to stick around. But remember, each type connects to four other types on the diagram and the way we express ourself is influenced by these interconnecting lines, when we're doing well and when we're struggling. So while your fundamental type doesn't change, your journey through the Enneagram can feel a bit like visiting your neighbors, you might pop over to another type's house to borrow some of their traits now in them, depending on what life is throwing at you at the moment. It's all part of the dynamic and incredibly personal way we each navigate our worlds. And when you're growing and changing and transforming, you begin to think, feel and act differently.

Speaker 1:

For example, I am a type four and I can confidently say I am not as fourish as I used to be. I can more easily lean into types three and five, which are my wings, and types one and two, which are my arrows, and they help me in my life. And they help me when I'm feeling a bit stuck in type four. I can reach out like they're my neighbors and go, hey, what high quality of type three can I use right now to help me? But be assured, I am still a type four. That has not changed. I'm just not as rigid a four as I was before. I have more flexibility to navigate what life throws at me. So exploring that part of it can be a really interesting experiment.

Speaker 1:

All righty, question four. So naturally you may be asking what are wings and arrows? So that's the question what do you mean when you say wings and arrows. Well, first up, wings. Think of wings as the neighbors to your main Enneagram type on either side. For instance, if you're a type eight, your wings are type seven and type one. And nope, that's not right. Sorry, I was like. That doesn't sound right. If you're a type eight, your wings are type seven and type nine. Most people express relating to one of their wings more than the other, but they are both there to serve you on your personal growth journey, you on your personal growth journey. Here's another example A type three with a strong four wing might be more individualistic and emotionally expressive than a three with a stronger two wing, who would be a little bit more people-oriented and nurturing.

Speaker 1:

Now let's talk about those interconnecting lines, which are the arrows. They're the lines that crisscross on the inside of the Enneagram diagram. I like to call them access lines, but in Enneagram theory they're called the arrows. So these lines, they help us stretch out of our habits, the habits of our dominant type. Think of it like reaching out, like a star, getting a big stretch and taking a big, deep breath. It's like reaching your arms out and I'm going to touch into this area and I'm going to reach out. I'm going to touch into this area, to this area, and I'm going to reach out. I'm going to touch into this area. That's how the arrows can help us stretch out of the habit of our dominant type. And again, here's another example.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to use a lot of examples to try to help bring this home. If you're a type six, you have access lines to type nine and to type three. When you stretch out of your comfort zone, you're type six. For example, if you're a type six, you have access lines to nine and to three. When you stretch out of your comfort zone type six and reach out to type nine, this can help you take a wider view of things. It can help you be more receptive to trusting and to be less suspicious and it will help you relax and reduce anxiety. Likewise, when you reach out out, when the type six reaches out to type three, uses that access line to type three, it can help the type six procrastinate less and begin to trust their own decisions and move with more courage and with less fear. So understanding both the wings, which again are the neighbors on each side of your dominant type, and the arrows, which are the interconnecting, crisscrossing lines on the inside of the diagram can really help us all navigate our personal development with more awareness and with more intention. All right, moving on, we're halfway there.

Speaker 1:

Question number five what do you mean when you're talking about instincts and subtypes? I love this question. Okay, so we have three main human instincts. We have self-preservation, social and sexual, which is often referred to also as one-to-one, depending on which Enneagram teacher that you're listening to. Some of them refer to this instinct as sexual, some refer to it as one-to-one, but for the sake of this, I just call it the sexual instinct. Okay, so we all have one instinct that is more active than the others. That's what's known as your dominant instinct.

Speaker 1:

Now, when your dominant instinct gets mixed up with your dominant Enneagram type, you get what is known as subtype. For example, if your dominant instinct is social and your dominant enneagram type is one, then your subtype is social one. I hope that that makes sense. So let's start by understanding the three instincts. Self-preservation instinct focuses on personal safety, comfort and well-being. If this is your dominant instinct, you're likely to be very aware of your physical environment and your needs for health, home and for resources. The social instinct is all about your place in the group. And if you're dominant in the social instinct, then you're sensitive to group dynamics, you're sensitive to your role in the community and to how you contribute to and how you interact with social structures.

Speaker 1:

The sexual instinct this isn't about romantic relationships, it's not about sex. It's about the intensity and the energy focused on forming and maintaining one significant bond at a time. It's about depth and connectivity, really diving deep into those one-on-one interactions, those one-on-one interactions, understanding which one of the instincts is dominant for you. It can really illuminate why you do what you do. It's not just about your core Enneagram type, but also about how you're wired to interact with the world in your dominant instinct. It's so fascinating because it shows I love this question and I love this topic because it shows us that there's not just a one way a particular type expresses itself. There's actually a spectrum and it's influenced by these primal instincts and it's influenced by these primal instincts.

Speaker 1:

Now, each Enneagram type has three subtypes and knowing about the subtypes can explain why two people of the same type can look really differently. So if you're interested in a deeper dive into the subtypes topic, you can check out my podcast series on them. So far I've done the one on the body types, which is eight, nine and one, and on the heart types, which are the types two, three and four, and the podcast on the head types types five, six and seven. That's coming soon, so be on the lookout for that. Okay, question number six how do I figure out what my Enneagram type is? Okay, so figuring out your Enneagram type is not just about picking a number that sounds like you. It's actually a pretty fascinating journey of self-discovery and you can get started in a couple of different ways.

Speaker 1:

A lot of people like to begin with an Enneagram test. There are tests available online. Some of them are free, others of them there's a fee associated with it and they can give you a quick snapshot of what type you might be. But remember, while the tests can be helpful, they really are just the starting point and they are not always totally accurate. So, just you know, hold the results lightly and then talk to somebody who is an Enneagram expert to really help you figure out where you land on the Enneagram.

Speaker 1:

So to truly identify, to truly figure out your Enneagram type, it does require a lot of self-reflection. You have to look at what the core fears are, what the desires of each type are. Remember, it's about what the motivation is. It's not so much about behavior, and so that's an important thing to remember when you're exploring what your Enneagram type is, because types can look similar on the outside, like their behaviors might be very similar to one another, but it's about what's motivating the behavior. So if you find your actions are often driven by a need to feel certain and you ask a lot of questions to help you find certainty, then you might resonate with a type six behavior. Or if you find yourself driven by doing what you believe is the right thing to do and doing things perfectly is a strong motivation for you and you have a loud inner critic who is always telling you what you could have done better, then you know type one could be where you're landing.

Speaker 1:

The important thing I want you to hear is that finding type is a process. Thing I want you to hear is that finding type is a process. It's important that you take your time, that you read through the descriptions of each type. It can be helpful to listen to podcasts where people of different types are being interviewed. That was really helpful to me. I would read about a type and then I would listen to a podcast where a person of that type was being interviewed and I just paid attention, like, do I see myself in the way this person is describing their experience as being a type, and so I would recommend that.

Speaker 1:

So whether you start with a test or you just jump into learning about the types on your own, the key is to keep an open mind and to be honest with yourself. So if you're curious to know more about what your Enneagram type might be and you are interested in taking an online test, I have a very reliable test which will give you a suggestion and it will give you a 20 plus page report about that type. The good thing is it's only $49. Most tests like this one online tests like this one they cost close to about $200. I wanted to keep the cost low because I believe everyone can benefit from knowing their type and yes, there are free tests out there but honestly, they're not very reliable and I've seen too many people get mistyped on these free online tests and then they kind of get started on this road of really being confused or they just give up altogether because, like, this isn't right. So take that into consideration. If it's something you're interested in, reach out to me. You can also find that information on my website. Okay, let's move on.

Speaker 1:

Question number seven how can knowing my Enneagram type help me? Oh, I like that. It's an okay. Now what question? And this is really where the fun starts. When you do land on your type, it is where the fun starts. So knowing your type is kind of like being handed a roadmap to understanding yourself in ways you might not have before. It's what you can do to make the most out of this new knowledge that you've found yourself in your hands.

Speaker 1:

So first, it's really about diving deep into your type's dynamics. It's about what makes you tick, what are your core fears? What are your main desires? How do you react under stress? Each type has a detailed set of characteristics that can help you understand what motivates your behavior. Because, remember, it's not so much about what you do but why you do it. And I am a firm believer, and once you know why you do something, you really can make solid efforts to change. Then think about how you can use it for personal growth. For another example if you learn that your type tends to avoid conflict, consider ways you might start facing challenges and situations more directly. Or if your type strives for perfection. Think about how you can be kinder to yourself when things don't go as planned. And really here is the pro tip Start observing how your type affects your relationships. Each Enneagram type interacts differently with others, and understanding these dynamics can greatly improve how you connect with the important people in your life. Are there patterns in your interactions that you might want to change or strengths that you can lean into more?

Speaker 1:

When my husband and I incorporated the Enneagram knowledge into how we related to one another and how we understood one another, our relationship got stronger and it got more intimate and more well-rounded. I've told people many times before the Enneagram I would have described our relationship as really good, and now I can confidently say that our relationship is beyond good. It really is great. We have a level of emotional, intellectual and physical intimacy I honestly never thought was possible. So I am so grateful for the Enneagram and how it has helped me in my own life, not only my own personhood and how I see myself, but how I interact with others and those important relationships in my life. And so I want you to remember that knowing your Enneagram type, it's not about boxing yourself in, it's not about oh, I don't. You know, some people are a little resistant to it because they're like I don't like being boxed in, I don't like being told like, oh, you're just this way and that's how you are. It's really about opening yourself up to more possibilities. It's about getting out of the box that you're already in. It's an invitation to be more compassionate with yourself and to use what you learn as tools to help you become better and to thrive more in your life. So take the knowledge, get curious and let it guide you into a deeper understanding of yourself and the world around you.

Speaker 1:

The next question, question number eight can children be typed using the Enneagram? Now, this is a really interesting question because, yes, even kids can show traits that might hint to one Enneagram type or another. But the thing is we've got to remember that children's personalities are like clay. They're still very much shaping and molding as they grow. So my opinion is not to put a firm label or type on kids when using the Enneagram. And I have a good reason for this because children are constantly changing, they're learning new things, they're experiencing life differently and their emotional and psychological landscapes are developing rapidly and still developing.

Speaker 1:

What you see as a particular trait in a child now. It might evolve into something completely different the next year or the next month. Because we've got to remember this is about motivation. It's not about behavior and children. They probably can't reach in and go okay, well, what's motivating me to do this right? So we have to be really patient.

Speaker 1:

So what I recommend as a best approach is just to observe. Don't categorize them, don't put them, don't label them this or that. Just observe them, watch how they grow, see how they're changing, and you can use the Enneagram kind of as a gentle guide. Let it guide you and go. Oh, like I'm getting curious about this type because I'm seeing my child do this or say this, or maybe they're feeling this certain way or they're thinking this way. What does the Enneagram tell me about that? What can I be on the look at? How can I be what the parent that my individual child needs? Because, remember, our children are different than us. They have their own journey to live and we want to be careful not to box them in too early. So I think what's really helpful for you with your kids in parenting is for you to understand yourself, you to understand your own Enneagram type and how it influences your parenting. So, when it comes to kids, I would say first focus on understanding yourself and then really go gently into exploring it with your kids, and of course it depends on how old they are too.

Speaker 1:

All right, this is a question. Those eight questions that I just went through, they are the ones that I get asked the most. Okay, the next two are ones that I get asked sometimes, so they might be a question maybe you haven't even thought of for yourself, but they're good questions and so I wanted to address them here. So question number nine is is the Enneagram scientifically validated? And it's a common one, it's one that people have, and I love it because let's have the conversation Okay.

Speaker 1:

So to start, it's important to note that the Enneagram doesn't have the same type of scientific validation that some psychological personality assessments have, like the big five. These tests typically have extensive studies, studies and backing. The big five is the big personality assessment that most um that psychiatrists use. Psychologists use in their personality assessment. So the enneagram doesn't have that level of scientific validation, but it doesn't mean that the Enneagram isn't a useful tool. Many people and organizations find it incredibly valuable for understanding personality dynamics and improving relationships and for fostering personal growth. Its strength lies in the nuanced approach to personality that provides a deep, introspective look at the motivations. Again, remember, I'm always going to come back to what are the motivations and those are often our blind spots. We don't even know until we start to look at it and see.

Speaker 1:

So, to bridge the gap between Enneagram and more scientifically grounded practices, there are efforts and studies being undertaken by individuals like Dr Dan Siegel. So Dr Siegel, he's a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA, and he's known for his work in integrating neuroscience with psychotherapy in interpersonal neurobiology. He's amazing. Now. Him and some of his colleagues got together about 20 years ago when they were trying to get papers submitted for peer reviewed and they kept about the Enneagram and they kept getting rejected, and so they created a group called the PDP Group, which means the Patterns of Developmental Pathways Group, which means the Patterns of Developmental Pathways group. And what's super exciting is that there's a book coming out on November 19th called Personality and Wholeness in Therapy Integrating Nine Patterns of Developmental Pathways in Clinical Practice. I already ordered it. I pre-ordered it months ago. I'm super excited about getting this book. Yes, I'm a total avid reader and a little bit of a nerd, but anyways, dr Siegel and the folks in the PDP group, their goal isn't necessarily to prove the Enneagram as a scientific test, but rather to explore its human insights and how the emotional health intersects with neuroscience and psychology. They want to take this interdisciplinary approach to provide a more robust understanding of personality and to help validate psychological mechanisms like the Enneagram to help in rounding out how people understand themselves. So I hope that that helps answer that question and really, really highly recommend checking out the work of Dr Dan Siegel and the PDP group.

Speaker 1:

Okay, here the last question, one, question number 10. And this is a question that I get asked in my own circles and so I thought you know what. I'm just going to go ahead and address it here. It's simply like should Christians use the Enneagram? So first it's important to understand that the Enneagram itself is in neutral. It's a framework, a tool, it's a map. It's not a belief system or a doctrine. The Enneagram does not promote any specific religious or spiritual ideology, but what it does do is that enhance one's understanding of themselves within any cultural or religious context. So whatever your faith tradition is, you can use the Enneagram to help you in your psycho-spiritual development, because it's important. I really want people to hear this. It is not a belief system or a doctrine, so all I can tell you is how it's helped me in my own spiritual growth.

Speaker 1:

I have experienced a deeper sense of being known and loved by God. I don't hide from God in the same ways that I used to, my prayers are more honest and my faith is stronger. And why is that? Well, I believe it's because when I began to understand myself on a deeper level, when I started to see those blind spots, what was motivating me that I wasn't able to see, I was able to bring my pain, my questions and my doubts to the table more honestly. And what I like to call this is I like to call it unedited prayer, because I was very careful in the way I prayed before, because I you know I was hiding and that might sound kind of counterintuitive, but you can hide in prayer, there are ways to do that and so I was just able to come more honestly with who I am, with questions about who I am. Why am I this certain way? How can I use this in my life and in my relationships, and what does that mean for me?

Speaker 1:

So many of you know that I'm a type four and if you know anything about type fours, we have a deep fear of abandonment and an inner sense that we're irredeemably deficient. So when I started to bring that, I'm afraid of abandonment. I don't feel like I'm whole and complete, like there's something wrong with me. When I started to bring those fears and concerns to God, I was met with so much grace and love Like it just truly undid me. You know, before I could tell you, I could tell others yeah, god loves me. I knew it intellectually, but in the deepest, deep parts of myself there was a disconnect to that and I didn't know why. It's not because I didn't want to believe that God loved me, but when someone has an unconscious belief or a sense that they're irredeemably deficient and broken and lovable and unlovable, and then maybe it can begin to make a little sense. So I mean I've heard countless stories from all different types that their spiritual lives have been enriched and transformed by exploring the wisdom of the Enneagram.

Speaker 1:

I can get that it's scary to opening up to something new, especially if you've been told by a spiritual leader that it's dangerous, and so all I can say is like I just challenge you to find out for yourself. The Enneagram is not a belief system or a doctrine, it's simply a tool, and it's a tool that can help in your psychological development. It's a tool that can help in your spiritual development and your personal growth, in your relationships. So I hope that that helps provide some clarity and just helps you open up to the idea and just look at it, explore it and decide for yourself whether it's right for you or not. You're the one that gets to decide that. All I can do is to share my own experience with you.

Speaker 1:

Well, friends, that is all I have for you today. I hope that you have enjoyed these 10 questions, enjoyed these 10 questions. If you have more questions, send them to me and I will begin to compile another list of questions. And also, I'd love to know what you thought about this just being a solo gig today, not something I planned to make a habit of. It's also a way to challenge myself to do something new. So well, I hope that you're all doing well and we will catch y'all next time, or I'll catch y'all next time. Take care Bye.